Win the Wedding Debate: Tips for Dealing with a Groom Who Just Doesn't "Get It"

Grooms, Planning Tips
[Times It's OK to Tell Fiance to Back Off

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Does a glazed look cross your groom's face every time you talk about your wedding? Join the club. "It is pretty common for a groom to be a bit confused or even shocked during the wedding planning process," says Leigh Pearce, owner of Leigh Pearce Weddings. "Prices, expectations, and volume of decisions are all high and it can be overwhelming for anyone." But armed with these expert tips, you can win the wedding debate and bring your groom to your way of thinking!

Don't focus on the details.
"The amount of decisions surrounding flowers, seating charts, paper details like invitations, and overall event design can be surprising and overwhelming," says Pearce. "And while the difference between a peony and a carnation is understandable and obvious to most women, most men can't tell a difference." So instead of barraging him with details, ask your fiancé to participate in the bigger picture — think: what will be served for dinner, or whether you'll have a DJ or band — for a more engaged, interested response.

See More: Decoding What Your Man Really Means When He Says "Whatever You Want" and Other Frustrating Phrases

Emphasize the value.
Grooms are often "caught off guard" when they hear the cost of your cake or wedding gown, says Jennae Saltzman, owner of Blush & Whim wedding planning and event design. Steer him away from sticker shock by sharing why each item has lasting value.

Be open about your budget.
"If the groom only joins in on a few appointments along the way, his shock over the need for $1,000 of rose petals can be understandable," Pearce says. "He probably does not have a full scope of the design vision, or that the $1,000 of petals have — hopefully! — been accounted for in the overall budget." Consider keeping a spreadsheet he can view that breaks down your costs, and how you'll pay for them.

Ask him to consider your guests.
While your guy might not care what's in your welcome bags, he may be into the idea of wowing your guests. "I try place the emphasis on their family and friends, and how these little touches will add that extra wow factor with making people feel included, welcome and more," says Saltzman.

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