Last night on The Bachelorette, the competition finally began. With Britt and former contestant Brady canoodling in her hotel room, Kaitlyn began the process of group dates, one-on-ones, and the dreaded rose ceremonies. Luckily, some front-runners have already emerged from among the 19 suitors, and to rate their marriage potential, we've created the husband-o-meter. Based on a scale from one to 10, one being the lowest and 10 being the highest, we judged the guys on how ready some of them are to marry our fine bachelorette, as seen in this week's episode.
Oh, Jared. Poor, poor Jared. The restauranteur with the facial hair of a Disney prince barely stood a chance in the first group date, a boxing lesson-turned-match assisted by the legendary Laila Ali. The producers seemingly blindly matched up the guys for the fights at the end of the date, pitting Jared of slight build against hulk-like Ben Z. During their public match (seriously, where do they find these spectators?), Jared's knees buckled after getting a strong blow to the nose, sending him to the hospital. Don't cry for him yet, though. He adorably left the hospital to plant a big kiss on Kaitlyn's face later, one that left her starry eyed.
Ben Z.: 7
Yeah, Ben Z. punched a guy out in front of his potential future wife and a huge crowd. Kaitlyn decided that fell under the "brave protector" category after admiring his bulging triceps and hearing his sad back story — his mother was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer when he was 14 and died soon after. You can bet that this tearjerker got him a big smooch and the group date rose.
Props to Clint for trooping through one of the stranger dates we've seen on the show (that's really saying something). For the first one-on-one date of the season, the duo met up with an Underwater Photography Coordinator (yeah) to take some fully-clothed pictures in a pool. We didn't get to learn much more about the architectural engineer, but Kaitlyn got acquainted with his mouth. They kissed underwater, at dinner, and on a rooftop, leading her describe the "three levels of Clint," with rooftop Clint being the best. Okay.
How do you solve a problem like J.J.? On the one hand, he's a sweet single father living with his parents. On the other, he thinks he's smarter than 90 percent of people he meets (his words, not ours), called another contestant "nightmare fuel," and took the stand-up comedy group date a little too seriously. Guest Amy Schumer summed him up thusly: "JJ is a sweetheart. He's just missing, like, charisma, humility and a sense of humor...maybe when he sees the show he'll reflect on himself a little and not be such a turd."
The healer/spiritual gangster bombed during the stand-up comedy group date, which endeared him to us. What didn't? His bloviating routine and his scary eyes when he talked about his connection to Kaitlyn. Oh, and when he called Kaitlyn Britt.
This is only because he's now introduced as "Chris 'Cupcake'" in his talking-head interviews thanks to his adorable, if awkward, entrance in a cupcake car on night one. We're charmed.
The former Princeton runner who survived a life-threatening car accident to compete for love on national TV (we're still trying to figure that one out, too) is sweet, sensitive, devoted, and surprisingly funny doing stand-up comedy in front of strangers. #TeamIan.
Well, he left, so he's definitely not husband material. His exit was one of the most uncomfortable we've ever seen, too. After talking exclusively to Laila Ali during the group date, he confronted Kaitlyn during the cocktail party about being the token minority suitor, which she shot down. After a lot of back and forth about their initial connection and ensuing miscommunications, he loudly relayed the story to the rest of the guys. An annoyed Kaitlyn sent him home — which he tried to avoid by calling her sexy and pretty. The episode ended on him screaming at the cameramen. See you next week!