Ask a Professional Bridesmaid: Can You Fire Your Maid of Honor?

Telling Friend She Isn't Your Maid Of Honor

Photo: Getty Images

Jen Glantz is a "Professional Bridesmaid" and the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. She's the author of All My Friends Are Engaged and frequently wears old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store and on first dates. For her column for, Jen answers a fellow bridesmaid's burning question:

I have a maid of honor. She is one of my closest friends but this whole wedding-planning process has started to rip our friendship into a million pieces. She's not there when I need her and when I call her for advice or help; she tells me she doesn't really have time. I asked her to go wedding-dress shopping with me and she goes, but after 20 minutes she gets bored and starts rolling her eyes. So what do I do? No, actually, what can I do? Am I allowed to ask her to step down from the role and find someone else to help me?

You're not alone. This is more common than you'd ever imagine and I think it's mostly because being a MOH is a job no one is truly prepared for. No one teaches you how to do it and what to do or even how to take a step back when you need a mini-break from a role that can be a lot of time, energy, and money. For one brief second, put yourself in her shoes. Remember that before all of this, she was your good friend and the only thing that has changed is a title. Is three extra words preceding the term "Best Friend."

So you want to know what you can do? It's simple. Talk to her. Go out for coffee and start off talking about anything but your wedding. Ask her how she's doing. Talk to her like you used to before your ring finger started sprouting diamonds. Tell her what's on your mind and how you feel as though all of this is pulling the two of you apart. Maybe she needs help from another bridesmaid or maybe she just needs to let you know that this is a lot for her to handle. Maybe she just needs you to be a good friend to her so she can be a good one for you.

A conversation over a cup of coffee is enough to make things exactly like they used to be. Just make sure that cup of coffee is a venti size, will you?

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