Photo: Cozbi Jean Photography
Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge. Here, they're going back to the starting stages of a relationship and decoding the strange stuff dudes do while dating.
It feels like we've gotten to a really solid place in our relationship, so this week, rather than spout off with more advice, we were hoping we could get something off our chest. Looking back on it, we did some weird stuff to try and impress you when we first started dating and, well, we just wanted to clear the air and let you know we only did what we did (just that one time) because we really liked you. Not that you even noticed. You didn't notice, right?
That time we busted out the acoustic guitar.
We just really thought it would let you see our artistic, sensitive side and we took that lesson back in high school and everyone likes "Wonderwall" and damn it why do we always try to play "Wonderwall?" We can't play "Wonderwall." This is all John Mayer's fault he makes it look so damn cool. And easy. This instrument is impossible.
That time we pretended to like John Mayer.
Speaking of which. Look, we're not taking anything away from the guy's talent, we're just now admitting we embellished our level of appreciation for him so we could match yours. It's one more thing to talk about! But now that we're here, we thought it best if you knew we'll go screaming up the aisle like our hair is on fire if we hear any of his music on our wedding day.
That time we drank too much.
Liquid courage is a thing where we come from. As is measuring your toughness by the pint (or shot, as it were). We think displaying our drinking prowess is going to impress you and thus give us confidence. We realize now the only thing worse than our rendition of "Wonderwall" was the drunk version, although we still think we sold it pretty well.
That time we fought that guy.
Yet another "while we're on the subject," but that guy was eyeballing you and we thought you'd think it was truly badass of us to eschew working out our problems through mature conversation in favor of a swift kick in the nuts. Which is our way of saying, we're sorry we got you kicked out of the library.
That time we, uh, "embellished our resume."
We shouldn't have tried to make it seem like we had a better job or made more money than we did. What, did you think we meant something else? Was it the completely unnecessary, wildly misleading quotations marks that did it? See, we can't help ourselves! Seriously, though we may have done some weird stuff to impress you, but even we know not to go "there." Oh hey, we got it right that time!
That time we tried to gain the upper hand.
We didn't text you back right away, we were mysteriously "busy" when you first suggested we meet up again, and we did all those things we've been told we're supposed to do to leave you wanting more and gain some kind of advantage in the courtship. Of all the weird things we might have done while we were dating, there's not a weirder one than holding back from letting you know how special you are to us.