Photo: Steve Cowell Photo
Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge.
Wedding planning involves a lot of first-time conversations, which means you're likely to encounter a phrase or two from your man that makes you say, "What the hell are you talking about?" Being the kind, considerate, romantics we are, we thought we'd provide a quick reference "Guy-Speak" glossary. Disclaimer: We can only decode what your man means. We can't make you like it.
When he says: "Whatever you want," "Whatever makes you happy"
He really means: "Please don't make me guess." Alt.: "I assume you'll hate my real answer."
Guys believe that when you ask a question you already have the answer you want to hear in mind, so we default to this. It's simultaneously the most honest and phony thing we could possibly say. It's rooted in our genuine desire to give you everything you want and make you happy at all times, but it provides no value to the conversation. We know this. We're sorry.
When he says: "That's not what I meant"
He really means: "I immediately regret saying that."
Because we really did mean that, but now you're mad, so we wish we had said something else (or found a more agreeable way to say what we meant).
When he says: "I don't know"
He really means: "I don't know." Alt.: "I already said 'Whatever you want' and that didn't work."
At least when it comes to wedding planning. Seriously, we just don't know. Our boys don't constantly ask about it. We're not on Pinterest. We don't read Brides. (Well, I do. The royal "we.") Whatever it is, we just don't know. It's not that we don't care.
When he says: "I don't care"
He really means: "I don't care." Alt.: "I'm saving my fight-starter for something more important."
Well, that is, except when we actually don't care. Some things just aren't worth the mental effort to us (flowers, colors, bridesmaids dresses), and some things maybe are but not enough to merit an argument (invitations, including your brother in our wedding party). We'd rather wait until we really hate something to speak up about it. We're lazy. We know this. We're sorry.
When he says: "Nice"
He really means: "ZOMG AMAZING!"
We men have a tendency to under-emote when it comes to most wedding-y things, which can make it hard for you to discern whether we really do like something or are just nodding along. No one ever taught us how to get excited about table runners. Not our fault! But you don't have to be confused. Here's a simple rule of thumb: if our response is monosyllabic and positive in even the slightest way, we love it. See also: "Cool," "Sweet," "Fine," "Sure," "True," "Yup."
Did we miss anything? Let us know. We just want you to be happy!