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Have you ever heard that your wedding-night sex will be even hotter if you cut yourself off before the big day? "Keeping the sense of specialness by hitting pause with sex before the big day can add mystery and added value to the act, as a sacred ritual," explains Dr. Patti Britton, co-founder of SexCoachU.com. "After all is said and done, your wedding day is not just another day with another round of sex."
But is putting a two-week or even month-long cease-fire to your sex life right for you? Read on to find out.
"Couples may find that their self-imposed 'dry spell' helps increase their desire for their partner, and may encourage them to really want sex on their wedding night," says Debra Herbenick, PhD, associate professor at Indiana University and author of The Coregasm Workout. "So, the primary advantage is to increase arousal. For others, it's about reconnecting on an emotional or spiritual level." Other brides-to-be report that removing one thing from their super-long to-do lists as they plan the wedding is a huge stress relief, Herbenick says.
On the flip side, a self-imposed sex break can put additional pressure on your wedding day. "Performance anxiety — about erections and orgasms — can affect both men and women, making them so anxiety-ridden that they cannot feel pleasure from sex," warns Britton. "I always coach couples to take themselves off the pressure-cooker burner. Relax. Stop expectations for perfection, even in bed, and find joy, fun and humor if things don't work well the first time."
If you're still on the proverbial sex fence, have an honest chat with your fiancé. He may have strong feelings either way. "This really should be a mutual discussion and decision — nothing that someone puts on their partner, without their partner's buy-in," says Herbenick. "If a woman wants to try this, I'd encourage her to let her fiancé know why this is important to her. Maybe she wants to reconnect in a special way on their wedding night. Maybe she wants to really increase their desire and arousal and have an unforgettable night. People can be sensitive about sex, so she should make sure he doesn't feel undesirable or unattractive — in other words, it's not him and it's not a bad thing. In fact it's the opposite."
Would you stop having sex before the wedding night? Let us know your thoughts by tweeting us @BRIDES.