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Surprise: Your husband might not tell you everything. From his wild college years to what he really did at his bachelor party, there are some things you may never know about your main man. But there are certain secrets — five, in fact — that most men are likely to keep from their wives, according to an expert.
What's going on with his health.
"Some men keep their own health secret from wives — and this is a lot more common than you'd expect," says relationship expert April Masini. "If something doesn't feel right, or things aren't functioning the way they should, men sometimes hesitate to tell their wives, and often withhold health secrets. While these secrets aren't going to harm a marriage in the way a sexual betrayal would, they can create mistrust and great worry when they're found out."
When and why he's worried.
"Secret worries that many men have — that a wife may inherit the breast cancer that runs in her family, or will leave him or betray him because she's pursued, has a history of cheating, or is much younger," says Masini. "If a worry is well founded, keeping it secret isn't a good idea. In fact, worry about a health issue may induce a wife to get her health taken care of, and could actually save her life."
"Keeping financial secrets are often as bad as keeping betrayal secrets because money is a hot-spot in relationships," Masini explains. "It's often skirted and not discussed openly and honestly, so when a secret is discovered, and that secret has to do with money, there's an, 'aha, I knew it!' factor that doesn't exist with healthy secrets or worry secrets."
What he's buying for you.
"Whether it's an impulse purchase or something he's been saving up for, many men keep gifts secret because they want to please their women," says Masini. "On the surface, this is a lovely gesture. But the times when a secret gift is harmful is when a family budget is an issue, and there's a big tax bill pending or a tuition bill due, and the non-returnable sports car in the driveway, with the big pink bow, looks less like a present than an onus. Other times, women would simply rather remodel their own kitchen, choose their own jewelry or pick their gift, whatever it is. So guys who buy secret presents for control freak wives, should fear the wrath that will follow."
If his job changes.
"Men will often keep a demotion or being fired secret as long as possible in an effort to remedy the situation, or simply avoid disappointing his wife," Masini says. "It's really important that the wife understand and empathize with how important men identify with work, and that this isn't just the loss or reduction of a paycheck. It's an identity shift and a hit to his self esteem. While this is a harmful secret, it's one that requires particular empathy."