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You tell your BFF — and now, your maid of honor — everything. But perhaps you shouldn't. "Just because you have an emotion doesn't mean you should act on it. There are times when it's better to think first, keep quiet second, and reveal later — or never," says relationship expert April Masini. Here are eight times when mum is the best word:
You're super glad your single days are over.
"Your maid of honor may be less successful than you've been at the dating game, let alone the getting engaged and seeing it through life-plan," explains Masini. "She's happy for you, but if you start rubbing it in — intentionally or not — she's going to crack."
If you're pregnant, she's not — and she wants to be.
"Some brides are pregnant brides, and the joy is double," Masini says. "But when your maid of honor recently suffered a miscarriage or is having fertility issues, your joy may remind her of her pain. Keep a lid on the baby talk."
You've lost wedding weight.
"You're so proud you can't stop looking in mirrors and measuring your weight loss. But your maid of honor, on the other hand, doesn't have your discipline or your genetic tendency toward small frames, so your weight loss just makes her feel self-conscious and depressed about herself," illustrates Masini. "Keep the fact that you lost 24.85 pounds to yourself. She's not blind. She knows you look good. Let the accomplishment be visual."
Your in-laws are showering you with gifts.
"You suddenly own a home, a car and have inherited family jewels because his parents are very wealthy and generous. But you and your maid of honor used to be in the same tax bracket," Masini says. "Keep your good fortune to yourself. Share it incrementally if you think it's going to be an issue between the two of you. The wedding can be, and is, the main project before the two of you. There's a more appropriate time and place to share other things, and that's later."
You've discovered your MOH's ex is getting married.
"Wait until after the wedding to tell her. The news isn't going to change, but the timing may be better for her later," advises Masini. "If she's never moved on from him, and was holding a torch that one day they'd reunite, your news may set off a depression that can wait."
Your sister thinks she should be your MOH.
"She dreamed of being the sibling maid of honor, and got relegated to garden-variety bridesmaid," Masini describes. "Your chosen maid of honor doesn't need to know about the underlying family feud brewing. She can't fix it, and knowing may make things worse for everyone."
Your planner revealed your MOH was a nightmare when she worked for her.
You go the referral from your 'maid, but the planner "balked when she heard you were a friend of your maid of honor, who was a monster bridezilla client who ultimately stiffed her on the bill and made life miserable," Masini says. "Just find someone else to plan your wedding, and keep that 'he said, she said' news to yourself."
You accidentally connect a love triangle.
"You learn that one of your guests once dated your MOH's boyfriend, and they will all be at the wedding," says Masini. "Your maid of honor knows this woman, and she may even know they dated — but not that they slept together, or how serious it actually was. You having this information, however, doesn't mean you have to tell her now. It's much wiser to wait until after the wedding to let her know what you've learned. She'll want to process the new info, but it can be done just as easily later."