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Think you've got sex down-pat? Think again. Because just because you've been doing it for years — or perfected the art of going down below — doesn't mean you still don't have a thing or two to learn. In fact, there are a few common problems almost all newlyweds suffer from when it comes to sex. And chances are, you could be one of them.
According to psychologist and author of The Men on My Couch, Stories of Sex, Love, and Psychotherapy Dr. Brandy Engler, newlyweds should focus on these three problem areas to ensure they keep their sex life satisfactory.
Timing: It's not unusual for a husband to want to get busy in the morning while his new wife prefers to take things slow at night. "Or she wants to have sex on a Sunday afternoon, while he just wants to watch the football game," Engler says.
Solution: "We live in a culture that tells us we're supposed to be super sexual all the time — but that's not the reality for most couples," she says. "However, couples should consider shorter sexual encounters during the week — think 15 minutes — and encounters that aren't necessarily intercourse. Kissing, touching, oral sex, keep connections going."
Packed schedules: "Our daily routines often don't leave room for sex," Engler explains. "Most couples are sure to make room for work, exercise or certain social activities, but refuse to think about sex as a scheduled activity." While people desire spontaneous sex — the kind that takes place on the kitchen floor — "our lives don't really allow for sexual energy to brew because we tend to exhaust ourselves by the end of the day," says Engler.
Solution: Sexualize each other around the house. "Think little flirtations — grabs, kisses, whispers in the ear about what will be done later," says Engler. "These things need to happen in a non-demand manner, meaning they don't lead to intercourse right there on the spot."
Expectations about frequency: "A new husband might think they 'should' have sex once a day, while his wife things once per week is perfect," Engler says. "Differing expectations can really set people up to think their relationship is failing — or for the higher sex drive partner to feel rejected, angry and resentful."
Solution: Remind your husband, in an encouraging way, that you're not a microwave."Men's desire works quickly, and women make the mistake of thinking ours should work that way, too," Engler explains. "Then we have performance anxiety when we try to hurry up and get as turned on as he is." Tell your husband exactly how your desire works, and you'll both have a better experience.