How to Tell Your Friend She's Not Your Maid of Honor

Bridesmaids, Etiquette

Choosing your bridesmaids is a relatively simple task, but choosing your maid of honor can be a bit tougher. Usually the MOH is the bride's closest friend or sibling, but sometimes you're put in an awkward situation: What if one friend automatically assumes she will get that coveted role on your big day? Our etiquette experts answer this very question below.

My friend thinks she's going to be my maid of honor. How do I tell her I chose someone else?
Hurt feelings are inevitable, so proceed with caution when breaking the news and handle this situation with a lot of care. (Obviously, if this girl thinks she's going to be your MOH, you're very close — we doubt you want to upset her.) Schedule a night alone together over dinner or drinks. If the topic doesn't come up naturally, gently broach the subject and be completely honest. Explain to her how important she is to you, but you decided to go with [insert name here] because she's your sister or childhood friend (or whatever the reason may be).

See more: 7 Ways to Make Bridesmaid Dress Shopping Less Stressful (and Cheaper!)

Be sure to let her know, though, you still want her to play an important role in your wedding. She can be a bridesmaid, of course, but she could also do something extra like perform a reading at the ceremony or do a toast at the reception. Also, ask her to come along on any vendor appointments. This way, she won't feel left out.

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift

Get personalized planning advice, exclusive offers and must-read wedding news.

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from