Your Second Wedding 101: An Expert Answers Your Top 5 Questions

Etiquette, Planning Tips
Tips for Your Second Wedding

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If you're entering into your second marriage, there may be things you are totally sure about — like your choice of groom! But there may be things that you wonder whether you can repeat, get away with or should even consider doing. And if that's the case, we're here to answer five questions that are likely giving you pause.

Is it alright to have a big church wedding?
"If it's all right with you, your groom and the church, by all means," says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. "While in the past second weddings have usually been smaller, more discreet affairs, there is no rule preventing you from a bigger, more traditional wedding if this is your preference." If you didn't get your large, elegant affair the first time around, this is your chance! Of course, this could be your groom's first wedding, too, and he may want the whole she-bang.

Should the bride wear white?
"Ivory is a good option," suggests Gottsman, "but white is not out of the question these days. It's entirely up to the bride."

See More: How to Avoid Annoying Your Wedding Planner

Should the bride have another wedding shower?
"For a second wedding, a shower is more about celebrating the impending nuptials rather than giving the bride things she'll need for her new married life," says Gottsman. "Again, follow the bride's wishes; some second-time brides prefer to keep things low-key, some want to go all out." If you don't want a traditional shower, consider other ways to mark the occasion, such as a lunch or spa day with friends, a gift-free recipe shower, or even a co-ed couple's party.

If you are close friends with your ex or his or her family, should they be invited?
"The right answer here can only come from a conversation between the bride and groom," says Gottsman. "If you all have a good relationship and the new spouse is in truly favor of — and not just tolerant of — inviting the previous one or his family, by all means, invite them."

We have everything we need for our household; can we ask for money?
"Some people opt to set up honeymoon funds, or some other type of monetary gift, however, the best choice when soliciting monetary gifts, or any other specific gift is to communicate your wish to family members or close friends so that they can answer questions from other guests," suggests Gottsman. But just know that "there will always be guests who prefer to give a wrapped present, not cash and those that prefer the opposite."

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