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We're sure you and your fiancé have an amazing, vitally-alive sex life. However as your wedding day nears, your thoughts occasionally slip to those trepidatious stories you hear about how lovemaking can lose its luster as kids, responsibilities — ok, life rolls in like a tide. True, the newlywed phase won't last forever. However, with commitment, love, trust, laughter and creativity, sex can morph into something better.
Bring Sexy Back
You are sex partners; not roommates. It can be way too easy to start taking one another for granted. Says Emily Yang, married 20 years, "Around three years ago as we were preparing to be empty nesters I realized I didn't own anything sexy ... I had taken off my high heels after having my children and never looked back."
From that day forward she and her husband made an effort to be attractive to one another. Shave your legs every day (at least every few days); wear sexy lingerie. Little things make a big difference in the carnal-couple-forever department!
Never Say Never
There might be some positions, toys, locations you feel will always be verbatim. ("Ewww, gross, I'll never do that!") However, sex gets boring if you let it grow stagnant. So don't give a definitive no to a suggestion of your partner's. Instead say, "Well, not yet."
Institute a Monthly Sex Play Date
Marie Brown, married 10 years, says, "When we got married we made a pledge that once a month we take turns bringing something new to the table sexually speaking." She continues, "It doesn't have to be draping ourselves over a chandelier but playing an X-rated game or spending the night just kissing or meeting at a bar and picking each other up..."
This 'game' doesn't just liven up their sex life once every 30 days. Planning and/or fantasizing about what their other half will come up with help fuel sexual desire all month long.
Trust Each Other
One of the most important elements to keeping sex steamy is to create an atmosphere where it's safe to share any feeling or thought. True hotness is achieved when you know the two of you live in a no-judgment zone.
Sarah Lotan, married 23 years, shares, "Taking off my clothes was easy, even when my body wasn't as tight as it used to be. I knew David loved me. But for a long time it felt like the riskiest thing in the world was to share my deepest, darkest fantasy. Until one night I took the leap. And David didn't call me a pervert. He said, 'Honey, I love you. There is nothing you can say to me that won't be okay.' That's become our motto: There is nothing you can say to me that won't be okay!"
Be Fully Engaged with Your Partner
A 2013 study sponsored by Mobile Consumer Habits found that 9% of couples use their smartphones during sex. When you make love, the TV and cell phones should be off. There also shouldn't be kindles, books, magazines or newspapers scattered around.
Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW is a New York City-based marriage therapist and author.