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Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge. For their most recent installment, they're dishing the truth behind wedding-night sex.
You've planned for months, partied for hours, and finally the moment has arrived. Time to consummate this marriage... by immediately passing out, possibly still in formal attire. Everyone dreams of the passionate wedding night romp, but the fact is real life ends up much more boring than fantasy for many couples. If you find that as upsetting as we do, please join us in putting an end to this epidemic. (No, not literally.) Follow these simple rules so when you're fading fast after the longest (and happiest!) day of your life, you can still tend to the important business on the agenda.
Delay the Honeymoon
Nothing is less sexy than a looming 5:30 a.m. wake-up call after the biggest party you'll ever throw. Give yourself a day (or more) cushion before you depart. You'll be glad to have it for opening gifts, retrieving random items from your venue, last-minute errands, or finally relaxing for a minute (imagine that). Most important, this will free your mind post-wedding to focus on the task at hand(s).
Play Before the Foreplay
Approach your wedding as the most drawn out foreplay session of your life. Sneak away if you can at some point and steal a few kisses. Dance close. When you finally make it to the bedroom later, take a minute to pause, laugh, and catch up on what the hell just happened. Take every chance you can throughout the day to connect and share the passion that got you here in the first place. It's about building up to the climatic moment, not charging into the bedroom like you're 17 at a post-prom party.
See More: Why Is Sex So Vital to a Happy Marriage?
You've probably been told you won't end up eating all that amazing dinner and cake you paid for. Well be warned: low blood sugar now means low libido later. Make sure one of your girls stays on "feed the bride" duty during the day and throughout the party so your energy stays up at all times. Have someone send the world's most expensive doggy bag back to your room so you and your hubs have the sustenance you need.
Alcohol can be your libido's best friend at the beginning of the night and worst enemy by the end, so make it your first big team effort as husband and wife to keep each other in check as your friends and family toast to you all night long. Your drunkenness should linger right in that "I'm ready to take this party back to my place" zone.
Upgrade Your Wardrobe
Your girls had this article in mind when they bought you a treasure chest of new lingerie at your bachelorette party. Wear the sexiest one of the bunch tonight and it will instantly become your man's favorite and your go-to for all special occasions.
Think About a Week of Celibacy
We're not necessarily recommending this, but doing the unthinkable and going for a week, two weeks, or even a month or more (okay, a week or two is more than fine) will create all the magic of waiting until you're married without actually having to actually wait.
You just spent months preparing for a wedding. Do you really want to spend the next nine preparing for a baby? Worry free sex is always better sex (and besides, we haven't written those articles yet).
Even if they don't seem super involved in the wedding-planning process, grooms are going through the same life-changing experience as their brides-to-be. Enter: The Plunge. The site helps the engaged guy navigate his wedding from a man's point of view.