Love Him, Hate His Friends?

Grooms, Relationships
What to Do When You Hate Your Fiance's Friends Photo: Getty Images

Your fiancé is the best, most adorable human being in the world. Proof — you're marrying him. However, his friends sometimes seem like a male version of (insert name of your favorite love-to-hate creep).

A recent poll confirmed that 25% of women are in this boat. First, here's what not to do: Issue a stark ultimatum like, "It's those toads you call buddies or me!" Your fiancé won't enjoy feeling he is under house arrest any more than you would. Now, here's what you should do:

Analyze Why You Have the Hate-On
What about your guy's friend(s) have earned your ire? There is a difference between disliking someone because he makes racist, misogynistic remarks, or because he is an unrelenting punster and has chronic bad breath.

If your reason is in the former category, it is vital to have an honest but diplomatic conversation with your fiancé about your misgivings. Is he aware that his friend displays these qualities? Does he share those values? If it's a longstanding friendship that has sentimental value, your fiancé in no way sanctions those repulsive beliefs, and will make sure his friend keeps those repulsive beliefs to himself in your presence, then things can resolve without too many wrinkles. Agree beforehand that if you feel uncomfortable in his friend's presence, you will politely excuse yourself and leave the room.

If your dislike is based on harmless but annoying character traits exhibited by (insert name of your favorite love-to-hate creep), then a different strategy should be employed. Try to find some common ground with this friend — a similar taste in movies or mutual love of dogs. There is more to this boring soul than one or two or three boorish qualities.

Think About How Your Friends Look in Your Fiancé's Eyes
The advice about walking a mile in another person's moccasins is certainly apt in this scenario. You love your gal pals despite or maybe due to their idiosyncrasies. You've got history together, you knew each other when and have pledged to know each other always. But your fiancé might not be a fan of childhood pal Becca's honking laugh or college roommate Ellen's tendency to gossip non-stop. You deal because you love them. He deals because he loves you.

After all, isn't the most important friendship your fiancé and you have to nurture and cherish the one between the two of you?

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