Can I Ask Shower Guests to Address Their Own Thank-You Cards?

Etiquette
can i ask guests to address their own thank you card

Photo: Courtesy of Minted

You've already mailed thank-you cards for gifts you received at your engagement party. And now, you're heading to the bridal shower. Is there a polite shortcut to cut corners for those thank-you cards? Our wedding etiquette experts are here to answer your bridal shower questions in our daily post.

I was at a bridal shower and the hostess gave everyone a thank-you card envelope and asked us to address it ourselves. I suppose it saves time for the bride, but isn't this a bit rude?

We've seen this happen at a number of bridal showers in recent years; sometimes the envelopes are also used to draw door prizes to sweeten the task a bit. But either way, the idea is that after the shower, the bride takes the envelopes home, writes thank-you notes for the gifts received at the shower, and then mails each card in their pre-addressed envelope. While this certainly does lighten the bride's load—and she's probably up to ears with wedding preparations at this point—this practice makes light of the act of writing a thank-you note. Though it does take time to write out the addresses by hand, the effort should be made by the bride, not her guests. (And if the bride isn't sure of all the guests' addresses, she should ask the hostess to provide a copy of the invitation list.) So, as common as this practice may be these days, it is off-putting to ask guests to address their own thank-you card. That said, refusing to comply could embarrass the host. So address your envelope—just don't ask guests to do the same the next time you throw a shower.

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