How Do We Un-Invite Someone Who Assumes She's Coming to Our Wedding?

Etiquette
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Photo: Kate Headley

Guests lists are tough—and often the source of more than a few wedding spats. Our experts weigh in on whether it's okay to exclude children, second cousins, ex-coworkers, friends you haven't talked to in years, and more from your guest list, in our daily wedding etiquette post.

How do we un-invite someone who assumes she's coming to our wedding?

No wedding would be complete without one assumed invite. You have a couple of options, depending on when this wanna-be guest decided to invite herself. If you just announced your engagement and haven't made any decisions on budget and guest count yet, warn the assuming friend that your budget will be tight and you might have to opt for a smaller wedding. This way, when the invitations go out and hers is not among the signed, sealed and soon-to-be-delivered, she won't be surprised. If she requested a spot at your gig after hearing about your 300-person celebration, it's a bit trickier. It's hard to tell someone you can't fit one more when you're having a big party. At this point, consider how much this friendship means to you. If you decide to leave her off the guest list, she might feel slighted and it could result in a strained or ended friendship. However, wait until you start receiving your first RSVP cards before you break any news to her. You might get more declines than you expected and decide in the end that you do have an extra spot for her. If that's the case, send out her invite as soon as possible, so that her B-list status won't be apparent.

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